Ciao!

"I bought a new bike today and I really don't know what to do with my old one. I wonder if it's recyclable"

Now that I'm 25, I've begun to ponder my place in the world.

I really don't know where I fit in in society. If I walk in to Wetherspoons pub, then I struggle to want to interact with the majority of the inhabitants. They generally want to be loud and talk about 'proper' things such as Radio 1 DJ's. I always used to think that indie clubs, would offer me somewhere to fit in, but they're mostly full of loud scenesters talking about 'proper' Radio 1 Dj's such as Jo Whiley.

Does it bother me though? No, not really. I've never had any real desire to be hugely popular. I'm happy with the friends I've got, so that's all that matters.

It doesn't make social events any less awkward though. Maybe I should pre-plan interesting things to say to people. Train myself to hold a conversation that doesn't just involve nodding and the occasional tilting of the head. The problem is, the sort of things that tickle my conversational bone are usually quite nerdy.

For example: VENDING MACHINES!

My god, I am OBSESSED with their control panels! Usually, you just key in a code and then get a Mars Bar for an exorbitant price. However, if you know the right combination of key presses, you can access the control parameters! A whole new world then lies ahead! I imagine you can change the prices of each product and maybe change the display message.

I always get a little jealous when I see the vending machine engineers at work. All that knowledge they hold in their manuals. Sweet Jesus! I'm turning green with envy as I type!

If I ever win the lottery, then I would like to have a workshop full of all sorts of machines. And not just vending ones! I'd perhaps have photocopiers and fruit machines as well. With the help of operator manuals, I would tinker away. I could explore all the hidden possibilities that most people are not meant to see. I guess, in a way, that it makes me nosy. I want to know EXACTLY what's going on below the surface.

Perhaps, I could learn some little tricks that I could use it to gain friendship. I could hang around vending machines and dish out wisdom to the machines patrons.

By now, you're probably thinking that I should get out more and perhaps you're right.

However! HOWEVER!

If you found yourself at a vending machine and had 5 pence less than you needed for a Mars Bar, who would you want there with you? Me or Jo Whiley?

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My doctor once told me that I had a geographic tongue. Frankly I was shocked. I mean, was she trying to say that my tongue looked as though it had been around a bit? Did it look as though it had been to exotic places seeking pleasure?

No!

She meant this:

"Geographic tongue (Erythema Migrans) is a common condition that causes a characteristic appearance, which experts recognise instantly. The tops of the tongue, sides and occasionally, undersurface of the tongue develop irregular, smooth red areas, which may look like the outline of a map. There are usually wavy white lines next to the red patches. You may notice that after a few weeks or months the position of these lines and red patches change. This is why the condition is called erythema migrans in Latin, as its position changes and moves."